On Tuesday I am scheduled for an ultrasound to check the lump in my left breast. I’m not worried. We’ll get back to my reasoning, first I need to lead up to what all is happening.
Two weeks ago I learned I got the position that will have me moving. It is an instructor position and I am super excited. The teenager doesn’t want to move with me, fine fine, we can figure something out, and to make life difficult I will be forced to travel back to the homestead every other weekend to live with my mother and see my bitties. BUT WORTH IT.
Then I tell the Wasband. Lo and behold- He is SUPPORTIVE. Not only that, he offers to house the teen (she is not remotely interested and we already had established she would be living with TheraB by this point). He then tells me that he feels like he likes the area I am moving to, it is a great arts center. He has looked at it before for his work, and that he is going to contact his lawyer and just moving things along with the divorce. In fact, he has about decided all the issues we are still arguing over don’t really matter and he can just eat. Still I am oddly weirded out at the fortuitous nature of the universe and how everything is working well. BUT as my Aunt has just told me that we have a little “something extra” in our bloodline I was trying to work it and go okay if this is trade off for the burning face pain and headaches that comes with the intuition -done. Universe I accept your blessings gratefully!
The following day TheraB asks a teensy favor- check on a friend for her. Do I know this friend? No. Should I have listened to my gut? Yes. Did I? No. I did some yoga, went to my mind palace, found her friend in the bottom of a well starting a bipolar spiral and told TheraB it was time to call in the troops bc she had severed her ground control. Ie, I meddled. Before I was even done with yoga, the migraine and trigeminal flair I had was one of the worst I had had in years. Please note- I am not about to say that the ensuing sinus infection I got that left me bed ridden from Thursday to Sunday was because I metaphysically stuck my nose in where it didn’t belong. What I am saying is that, Karma is a bitch! And if you fuck with the metaphysical or spiritual realm depending on your belief system you get 3 times the kick in the ass! Boundaries and privacy are sacrosanct!
During my bed rest while high on decongestants it seems that every intuitive friend I have was visited by visions and thoughts of me randomly. I had NO BOUNDARIES and would essentially be streaking naked through their mind palaces high as a kite dancing in the moonlight making an ass of myself. Again I say: Karma is a bitch and I’m actually a rather modest person and would be MORTIFIED to do such a thing. But it is what it is and lesson learned. TheraB was kind enough to teach me that you can now physically look at me and tell if I’m having a vision and not just spacing out because it seems my pupils dilate to nearly no iris. So that is kinda cool. Or creepy. I mean I can feel it but I didn’t realize you could “SEE” it. She said “Oh No, it is scary, you look sorta like Sybill Trelawney you go from space cadet and giggly to *POOF* matter of fact, all cut and dry, everything is what it is spiraling out, and your eyes just get bigger and bigger until you stop. Then *POOF* back to space cadet as if you lost your train of thought.” I do lose my train of thought all the time- most of it has NOTHING to do with anything REMOTELY psychic but just me being a space cadet.
Anywho, so Monday I had my followup with my Dysautonomia specialist. On the drive down the Wasband texts “have you spoken to teen about if she wants to stay with me in the fall?” I responded in the best stall I could think of “She doesn’t want to make any decisions til school is out.” I get there an hour early, he is 2 hours behind. He only sees 10 patients a day. I am fortunate I found this man and if you have Dysautonomia or Fibromyalgia and are in the south if you message me privately, I will tell you his contact info bc he is truly a miracle worker. I mean that. He sees me and goes, “G- you’re immuno compromised.” “Doc- we know this.” “G- when did you get sick last?” “Finished a z-pack yesterday for a sinus infection.” “Did you have a fever?” “About that… I felt like I did, aches, pains, chills, but my temp stayed around 95°” “I was afraid of that with you. It’s your thyroid. You can take tylenol for the pains, it won’t drop your temp. But you will need to take another Cytomel if your temp does that again. Do you want to check your labs again/ Do you feel like it is managing you right now?” “I guess so. I just don’t have energy.” “When you say energy what do YOU mean. Every patient is different. And we pulled you off two drugs known to increase energy. We cut back your dose of adderall. Let’s have you take a half dose at noon again.” “Okay.”
I am driving back trying to make my game plan of To Dos when the phone rings. It’s my attorney. “Ging- I got a call from Luke’s attorney. There’s been an unusual change of events.” FUCK. FUCK. FUCK A MONKEY. “What’s up?” “Well, it seems that he is willing to give you whatever you want.” “I beg your pardon? What do you mean whatever I want?” “Like whatever you want. Whatever you want.” “So I say Full Custody- they are mine?” “Yep.” “Does this keep me from leaving the state?” “Only if you can’t take the kids with you.” “Does he know he would have to pay child support?” “I would assume so.” “DRAW IT UP!” “Okay I’m on it.” “Hey, Tony, thank you. I really feel like I’m being baited… by him and my mother in a she won’t take the kids and leave she will go for one or the other. Or something is up, but thank you.” “No Problem.”
I immediately called TheraB, ScreamQueen, and SoulSister. All of whom had multiple different theories:
• The “if he is found positive for alcohol” clause in the divorce draft that auto gives you full custody made him go ahead and plead at your feet bc his atty knows something you don’t. Seems to be what we are all leaning towards at this point. But really I don’t think he is drinking again. He has been sober to the best of my knowledge for 3 years. Although I didn’t realize he was drinking when he was so I am not the greatest judge on that one.
• He is going manic and just wants everyone to be happy.
• He has met a woman.
• He is taking a job abroad illustrating/archaeology and could potentially ask to take one kid with him.
• He is finally going to get his reconstruction surgeries done and realizes he can’t have the kids while he does it.
• He is going to continue stalking you. Just in your NEW location.
• He finally realized being a single dad is hard and is like screw it.
And the creepiest one that we all don’t want to think about…
• He is trying to trade the bits for the teen.
Anywho, we may never know why. It may not matter. He may back out bc as I say I feel like I am being baited anyways. But the sinus infection wasn’t healed so I went back to local NP for a steroid shot in the rump.
While there I asked… “Linda, Since I am about to be on Cobra insurance until my new kicks over can you feel this lump in my boob and tell me not to worry until August.” “Sure thing Doll!” She does. “Yea… I can’t tell you that. We are going to ultrasound that first off. Why didn’t your man catch this? Does it hurt?” “No.” “And you are tired and you are dropping weight aren’t you.” “Yep.” “Great.” “Yea… you gonna tell him?” “No and here is why he will send me to the best breast guy he knows right?” “Right.” “That is his best friend, Kevin. And how I know I am fine is because I will never have the opportunity to sit topless in front of Kevin and say ‘Kevin, this is covered under doc/patient confidentiality, but I’m your best friend’s Mistress and you are about to operate on one of his favorite play toys. I’m telling you that so you are aware that your work will be under constant scrutiny so do your best because you and I both know he will never admit that he has seen it but he will always carry it and secretly judge you for it because that is how he is.'” Linda burst out laughing and agreed with me.